OK, so I know that I can't be alone in this. Surely there are others of you who suffer from this problem, right? I'm not referring to some medical condition or bizarre fear. What I'm talking about is the song that gets stuck in your head and won't seem to go away, no matter what you do. It could be a song that just pops into your mind from out of nowhere, or a song that gets stuck in your head all day after you hear it once, or worse, the song that is playing on a loop in your brain as soon as you wake up in the morning.
For me, the biggest offender lately has been Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" (and randomly B -- yes, I feel as if I can call you that since you've been violating my brain for over a year -- what's up with having part of the title in parentheses, are you now Shania Twain? Just asking). I will be the first to admit to the brilliance of this song. It's the kind of tune that you can help moving your feet to when you hear, but it is also one that seems to bury itself deep into your subconscious, popping up when you least expect it.
I've tried many thinks to get the song to stop playing over and over, such as avoiding it or actually listening to it. Neither method seems to ever help. When I try to avoid it, the Universe (in it's infinite wisdom and great need to play practical jokes) seems to put the song everywhere I am. Suddenly this song is on every radio station I turn to in the car and even playing in stores that I may venture into. That's some kind of hardcore promotion Mrs. Z!
Taking the time to listen to the song doesn't work either, as the repetitive loop is now intensified; only now, it's in stereo. For instance, today at work, the song popped up on my iPhone. As soon as I heard the opening notes, feet began to move around and my shoulders started moving with the beat. If I actually knew the dance from the video, I would have jumped up into the hall and done it. (This, by the way, would have been no real surprise, as it's not uncommon for me to bust out in a dance at work. What can I say, I'm unique).
Of course, this isn't the only culprit, but of late it's the worst. Those moments when it seems to merge itself with other songs, can take a turn for the strange. (I'm talking to you Miss Lady Gaga! You clever tune smith turning out your playful rhymes and catchy melodies). Try dealing with something along the lines of "All the single ladies, caught in a bad romance". Yup, exactly. The whole strange thing plays a trick on an otherwise normal day. Now, I have to try to go and get both of those songs out of my head.
Admit it though, you're singing the Beyonce song now.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Plight of the North American Asshat.
***Let me take a moment to preface this (shout out to Fran Fine!) and say that I was swimming over the weekend and have a bit of swimmer's ear. Actually, that's an understatement. Everything sounds so distant and at times I feel like I'm shouting from the bottom of a well. For those who know me, that means that I am probably speaking at a normal level for once rather than shouting, but whatever.
There seems to be a growing number of asshats running around with free reign to cause destruction, chaos and sheer annoyance wherever they may venture. (Mad props to
Jen Lancaster -- my literary goddess -- for introducing the word asshat to my vocabulary. Check out one (all) of her books; they'll make you laugh out loud). For whatever reason (bad karma perhaps) these particular individuals always seem to find their way to my general territory. Take for instance the asshat (also known as The Braid) who felt the need to violate me today with her blatant stupidity. If you are going to call me at work because you are confused by something that we are working on together, that's fine, I have no problem explaining the situation to you. HOWEVER, there is no reason to call me and in your, ahem, subtle way, allude to the fact that I am incorrect in what I am doing and the direction with which I am leading the project. Apparently, The Braid is not aware that I created my own religion, and because of this, it is impossible for me to be wrong (isn't that how it works?). Also, if you shut up for 2.5 seconds and listen to what I'm saying, maybe it will begin to sink in. (It could happen).
Is that what happened you ask? Why, of course not. Instead, la asshat (la chapeau de derriere?) chose to argue with me, with logic that made no sense (perhaps it did in her strange little world). I am typically not one to get angry when dealing with folks (no, seriously) but I had to raise my voice to even come close to making a point. I was even overcome with a need to quote Judy Judge and tell her to put on her listening ears (I managed to avoid that impulse). In the end, after a couple of emails, she realized -- I was right. Seriously, I usually am. Pay attention, it'll help you out in the end.
Unfortunately, this kind of asshatery is not new. This special breed of people seems to be popping up everywhere, spouting the kind of moronic statements that could easily push calm, collected individuals to a state of madness. I would like to propose a new asshat only tax that would go to fund the educational system. Maybe, just maybe, this will prevent future asshats from inflicting their overall suckiness on others. If not, then at least the tax they pay will make the rest of us feel better.
There seems to be a growing number of asshats running around with free reign to cause destruction, chaos and sheer annoyance wherever they may venture. (Mad props to
Jen Lancaster -- my literary goddess -- for introducing the word asshat to my vocabulary. Check out one (all) of her books; they'll make you laugh out loud). For whatever reason (bad karma perhaps) these particular individuals always seem to find their way to my general territory. Take for instance the asshat (also known as The Braid) who felt the need to violate me today with her blatant stupidity. If you are going to call me at work because you are confused by something that we are working on together, that's fine, I have no problem explaining the situation to you. HOWEVER, there is no reason to call me and in your, ahem, subtle way, allude to the fact that I am incorrect in what I am doing and the direction with which I am leading the project. Apparently, The Braid is not aware that I created my own religion, and because of this, it is impossible for me to be wrong (isn't that how it works?). Also, if you shut up for 2.5 seconds and listen to what I'm saying, maybe it will begin to sink in. (It could happen).
Is that what happened you ask? Why, of course not. Instead, la asshat (la chapeau de derriere?) chose to argue with me, with logic that made no sense (perhaps it did in her strange little world). I am typically not one to get angry when dealing with folks (no, seriously) but I had to raise my voice to even come close to making a point. I was even overcome with a need to quote Judy Judge and tell her to put on her listening ears (I managed to avoid that impulse). In the end, after a couple of emails, she realized -- I was right. Seriously, I usually am. Pay attention, it'll help you out in the end.
Unfortunately, this kind of asshatery is not new. This special breed of people seems to be popping up everywhere, spouting the kind of moronic statements that could easily push calm, collected individuals to a state of madness. I would like to propose a new asshat only tax that would go to fund the educational system. Maybe, just maybe, this will prevent future asshats from inflicting their overall suckiness on others. If not, then at least the tax they pay will make the rest of us feel better.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I Will Not Drink the Flavor-Ade!
So I've been participating in Weight Watchers for almost two months and I have to say that at times, it feels a little cult like. I'm not trying to disrespect the program (I have lost 20 pounds in that time), but sometimes I feel like there will be little cups of a grape beverage passed to all of us.
I wasn't sure what to expect on my first visit. Would I have to introduce myself like they do in AA (or at least how it's always portrayed in movies & TV)? Hi, my name is Tim and I'm a fatty. I was relieved that the introduction wasn't necessary.
The program itself is good, in that it teaches good behaviors, but being so obsessive with this point system kind of creeps me out. (Perhaps this is just because I'm sick of counting points). The truth is, I don't always count my points like I should. Why you ask? I feel that because I've changed my diet AND because I regularly visit the gym, it really isn't always necessary. Just saying, a little lifestyle change goes a long way folks.
Oh and the meetings. Oy vey! I can understand applauding folks who have lost weight (in any amount -- let's face it, it's a big deal) is a good motivator. Seriously though, some of these folks need to SHUT THE HELL UP! I get so tired of listening to the same people over and over talking about the same thing every week. Some of this is an obvious cry for attention. If you're in that much need of some affection (you know some of these folks are treating applause as affection and affirmation) then get a pet. Or go have sex. Don't let your weight stop you dammit! Anyone can get some 'Brownchickenbrowncow' (say it fast) if they just try.
Plus, I don't understand the folks who like to eat during the meetings. Yes, they are snacks that you purchased at the meeting (seriously -- CULT. It's like the gift shop at a church. Makes you wonder, just a wee bit.) but you still need to count the points and stop shoveling them down your throats. Perhaps they should do away with chairs and have everyone do squats during the meeting. I know that some of the folks are only relying on the "point system" and not getting the exercise they need. Maybe a little motivation for them?
Like I said, it is helpful in teaching good habits, but maybe I'm just a little too dark and twisty to fully embrace it. Or, I'm just a dick.
I wasn't sure what to expect on my first visit. Would I have to introduce myself like they do in AA (or at least how it's always portrayed in movies & TV)? Hi, my name is Tim and I'm a fatty. I was relieved that the introduction wasn't necessary.
The program itself is good, in that it teaches good behaviors, but being so obsessive with this point system kind of creeps me out. (Perhaps this is just because I'm sick of counting points). The truth is, I don't always count my points like I should. Why you ask? I feel that because I've changed my diet AND because I regularly visit the gym, it really isn't always necessary. Just saying, a little lifestyle change goes a long way folks.
Oh and the meetings. Oy vey! I can understand applauding folks who have lost weight (in any amount -- let's face it, it's a big deal) is a good motivator. Seriously though, some of these folks need to SHUT THE HELL UP! I get so tired of listening to the same people over and over talking about the same thing every week. Some of this is an obvious cry for attention. If you're in that much need of some affection (you know some of these folks are treating applause as affection and affirmation) then get a pet. Or go have sex. Don't let your weight stop you dammit! Anyone can get some 'Brownchickenbrowncow' (say it fast) if they just try.
Plus, I don't understand the folks who like to eat during the meetings. Yes, they are snacks that you purchased at the meeting (seriously -- CULT. It's like the gift shop at a church. Makes you wonder, just a wee bit.) but you still need to count the points and stop shoveling them down your throats. Perhaps they should do away with chairs and have everyone do squats during the meeting. I know that some of the folks are only relying on the "point system" and not getting the exercise they need. Maybe a little motivation for them?
Like I said, it is helpful in teaching good habits, but maybe I'm just a little too dark and twisty to fully embrace it. Or, I'm just a dick.
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