Don't Be Afraid of Something New

Greg Holden is the shit.  Straight up (now tell me) his music is awesome.  Take a moment to expand your mind and listen to a new artist.  Without new sounds, we wither and die under the same mediocrity that we are faced with every day.  Take a listen to Mr. Holden and feel something fresh.

Anger in "I Don't Believe You".  We all know someone this applies to; hell, I can think of a good dozen folks I'd like to sing this to, face to face (except I can't sing, so that would be nothing short of terrifying).

Memories of a hangover and the good times that led to it in "Bar on A".  Seriously, most of us can relate to this song.  (Probably more so if he sang about puking.  Shut up and stop judging me).

Shed a tear to "The Lost Boy".

What am I trying to tell you?  Go to iTunes (or another online retailer) NOW and purchase his music.  Expand your mind folks.  Besides, you'll be ahead of the trend when he's a well known artist.

Kisses!

To Whom Do You Belong?

Children terrify me.

It's no secret; they straight up scare the bejesus outta me.  Yet, they seem to be oddly fascinated with me.  I'm convinced that, much like wild animals, they are able to smell my fear.

I wasn't always like this.  When I was younger, I didn't mind being around children.  I would play with them and try to engage them through baby talk and such.  However, as I grew older and went through a period when I wasn't around them regularly, I developed an aversion to them.  It's not like I hate them or anything.  It's just...well....let me steal a line from Margaret Cho:  when I see them, I feel nothing.

Can't help it, it's just the way I am.

Yet, there are times when I think I might want one (you know, to start my army).  I've always joked that if I had twins, I would name them Vodka and Rum (because clearly, I like to drink).  In all seriousness though, there are times when I feel like I might wanna be a dad.  (I just threw up.  Not just a little in my mouth, but all over the cat that is sitting beside me.  That's how much it freaks me out.)

I go with the normal reasons to not be a parent:

          I'm too selfish;

          I would lose interest;

          My cat would get jealous and smother him/her/it;

          Um, DIRTY DIAPERS;

          I'd kinda suck at it.

Yet, I have that damn clock ticking away telling me it's time.  "I'm a huge homo!" I scream at it!  "Only lady gays have that urge!!!"  Yet, it ticks on.  And it ticks.  Quite frankly, it's starting to annoy me.  Where the hell is the snooze button anyway?!?

(Sorry for that being less funny than I had hoped, but I'm glad it's off my chest.  Also, if I do it, I totally need a nanny, because, well, DIRTY DIAPERS!!!!)

The Dog Knows That We're "Those Kinds of People"

I Am a Classy Beast

Most of us try to exhibit a little class and decorum in our daily lives.  I certainly do.  I respect manners and try to retain some level of dignity (not that I'm afraid to share my embarrassment and shame with, well, the world).  However, we all give in and are less classy than we would like.  (I hope that most of us try to keep this in the privacy of our own homes, but who am I to judge?  Oh wait, I am Judgey McJudge most of the time, so there!)

Here, I share some of my "classiest" actions:

Everybody farts.  Blunt, yes, but true regardless.  Most of us try to refrain from passing gas in public.  I do.  I would rather suffer than show everyone I'm human.  (The same can be said of fashion: show over comfort.)  However at home, I do enjoy a nice fart.  It makes me giggle, so what of it.  Lately however, my dog has become a participant in these moments.  No we don't create a symphony of toots, instead, when I pass gas, he now runs to me and barks.  Often times at my ass.  Sometimes he brings a toy.  I'm really not sure what he's trying to tell me or how to take it.  Still, it makes me laugh.

At work, I floss at my desk.  I could walk to the restroom, but it's so much easier to whip it out and start flossing there.  I can be in the middle of a conference call and cleaning my teeth at the same time.  Why?  Cause I'm classy like that.

I have a tendency to record my drunken ramblings and post them on my blog.  Why would I do that, you ask?  Well, I am a classy motherfucker!

I swear.  A lot.  In person and online.  Can't beat my classy!

We received some snow recently.  I cleared off my car, so that the other car could be taken out of the garage.  I entered my laundry room from the garage and realized that my pant legs were wet.  I thought, "hey, I'm home alone, I'll just take my jeans off here".  As I was doing so, I was quoting Gloria from 'Modern Family' because she makes me laugh hysterically.  (CHJAAAAAAY!  We have peeckles!  Welcome to your nightmare!  Ha Ha Ha!)  Anyway, I walked into the other room just in time to hear the door open.  I was caught wearing a winter coat and little else.  Sadly, I had to take a picture to document the moment.  What you can't see in the picture, is that I'm also wearing ankle length white socks and Adidas slides.  I thought I would share this with you....because I'm so very classy.

Yes, My Glasses Left an Indentation in my Head, Move On Already!

Just Wanted to Say Hey!

Mea Culpa

Just wanted to apologize for all of my profanity.  Whoops!