Children terrify me.
It's no secret; they straight up scare the bejesus outta me. Yet, they seem to be oddly fascinated with me. I'm convinced that, much like wild animals, they are able to smell my fear.
I wasn't always like this. When I was younger, I didn't mind being around children. I would play with them and try to engage them through baby talk and such. However, as I grew older and went through a period when I wasn't around them regularly, I developed an aversion to them. It's not like I hate them or anything. It's just...well....let me steal a line from Margaret Cho: when I see them, I feel nothing.
Can't help it, it's just the way I am.
Yet, there are times when I think I might want one (you know, to start my army). I've always joked that if I had twins, I would name them Vodka and Rum (because clearly, I like to drink). In all seriousness though, there are times when I feel like I might wanna be a dad. (I just threw up. Not just a little in my mouth, but all over the cat that is sitting beside me. That's how much it freaks me out.)
I go with the normal reasons to not be a parent:
I'm too selfish;
I would lose interest;
My cat would get jealous and smother him/her/it;
Um, DIRTY DIAPERS;
I'd kinda suck at it.
Yet, I have that damn clock ticking away telling me it's time. "I'm a huge homo!" I scream at it! "Only lady gays have that urge!!!" Yet, it ticks on. And it ticks. Quite frankly, it's starting to annoy me. Where the hell is the snooze button anyway?!?
(Sorry for that being less funny than I had hoped, but I'm glad it's off my chest. Also, if I do it, I totally need a nanny, because, well, DIRTY DIAPERS!!!!)
