I recently weighed myself and was faced with a number I have never seen before. That totally scary number (which you don't need to know) coupled with the way I look naked (and clothed for that matter) has sent me back to the gym in an effort to take some weight off. Don't get me wrong, gaining some weight has its benefits (like the fact that I actually have a bit of an ass now), but it's really not enough to make me wanna keep it on. Plus, my clothes are starting to not fit and I've paid too much for certain items to have them look too tight (a look that no one over 30 should ever try to sport).
I actually spent a great deal of my youth being chunky and rather plain looking, so this is really giving a beating to my self-esteem. Wait, I said chunky. What I really meant to say was husky. How I loathe that word. It brings back memories of my mother saying, "You're not fat, you're husky". Take it from me, that's just as damn bad. I was in a children's clothing store recently buying gifts and saw a display that said Slim, Regular, Husky. The poor sales lady must have thought I was a freak when I turned to Arne and began to rally against the evils of that word. Little Timmy and his husky jeans. Nothing worse than being a fat...sorry husky kid, except being a poor, husky kid (that's a post for another time).
Seriously, there are some photos of me that make me wanna shout DON'T FEED THE BEAR! (Of course by bear, I mean gummy bear, cause that's what I think I look like).
I did have a period about 10 years ago where I was thin. Fuck that, I was thin and hot. I was working out regularly and had a halfway decent body. This was also the period where I did a wee bit of modeling and considered being a stripper (which I did do once; spontaneously; by request of the bar patrons -- made some extra cash that night from it). I have no shame in admitting that. When you feel unattractive most of your life, knowing that folks find you sexy is quite a drug. Yes, my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard and I was certainly loving the attention.
Turning 30 a couple of years ago wrecked that. Now I have a noticeable stomach and there are many days where it hurts to button my pants (well, those that I can actually get on without breaking into a sweat). So I am determined to drop some weight and get back to my normal size. My motivation? That damn word HUSKY dancing in my head.
