American Idol and My Shame

So, I more or less banned American Idol from my house after Jennifer Hudson was kicked off in season 3, but since she's done okay for herself, I relented to watching again this year. That may have been a huge mistake. Here is my take on tonight's episode. Feel free to agree or disagree, I don't actually care, as this is just my opinion.

First up, Siobhan the screaming chick. Holy off pitch. I like her a lot, but the screaming is getting old. Even Mariah Carey cut back on it some.

Casey -- Does he have to smile through every sound-a-like song? Seriously, I think the dude may be a bit mentally challenged (no, that's not the word I used when he was singing, but I'm trying to be nice....for now anyway).

Mike -- I actually can't stand this guy, and am ever so annoyed to say that he didn't bother me much tonight. Could be that he wasn't trying to be Mr. Falsetto for the whole song.

Didi -- I like the fact that her voice is different. Let's see how she does. Well so far, she's not all over the place. Hmmm, she really looks like Faith Hill tonight. Oh, that's a big slit in her dress. She was lucky that the camera was placed where it was or else there may have been an unexpected view.

Wow, the judges are painful to listen to. It would be nice if they'd get drunk before the show. Maybe the critiques would be a little more interesting. (Bring back Paula, just for laughter). Oh and stop booing Simon. At least he speaks the truth....most of the time anyway. I love Ellen, but can she form a sentence? Land the plane Ellen, land the plane.

Oh, Didi finished singing. Oh well, guess I didn't miss much.

Let's show everyone backstage feeling like ass. Are we that bored AI?

Oh Christ on crutches, it's that annoying Tim kid. Why is he on here. DO NOT BUTCHER ANITA BAKER!!!!! Bastard! Not even to the chorus and I hate him even more. In a few years, he'll be singing in the cocktail lounge of a second rate hotel. Wait, that was really snarky for a guy who works a 9 - 5 desk job in Harrisburg, PA. He tries so hard for earnest. Holy crap, I think he actually hit a couple of notes.

What's up with the elephant pin on Randy's sweater?

I think the judges have a bet to see how many people they can make cry tonight. Fun!

Why am I watching this show? Why did I give in? I think this season needs a do over.

Oh, Lost is on. I 'd rather be watching that. I'll catch up with it tomorrow.

Andrew -- had high hopes, but everything started to sound the same. Nice shining suit. Oh well, at least he's not telling us to rub him the right way. That was truly disturbing. Okay, I'm digging on this. Yay -- someone who doesn't make me wanna bash my head on the wall. That is a big ass earring he has on. I hate the tattoo on his neck. Just sayin. When did Randy become a fashion expert?

Ellen -- stop speaking. Don't overkill the joke.

Has Simon ever met a button he doesn't hate? If he added a big gold chain, he'd look like someone from the 70's headed to a disco. Again, just sayin.

Time to fast forward-- does anyone really wanna hear Ryan talk?

Oh no, Katie. No idea what way this is gonna go. Oh, singing Aretha. Curious. Oh honey, those shorts. No. Is she wearing jelly bracelets as earrings? Random.

What is Ellen's obsession with Snookie?!?

I wonder what the background singers think when they are singing backup for someone that they can sing circles around?

Where's Crystal? Bring on the real talent!

Oh, not jelly bracelet. A Christmas tree decoration maybe

Lee is next. I find him oddly attractive. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Wow, his head is enormous. Why is he yelling? Is Nickelback playing on AI right now? No, oh. Obviously the guy singing is a fan. With that said, not bad.

Wow, I am being a jerk tonight. Eh, oh well.

Is Simon a therapist now? You can't make eye contact. Something obviously happened. Shut up! Maybe it's because you're scary Mr. Simon.

Oh Crystal is next. I think she is divine. Come on Ms. Bowersox, show em who's the best. (Please don't fuck it up).

Yay, Glee is back in two weeks!!!!

She's singing Midnight Train to Georgia. Hot! Great song!! Bring it on mama! I smile everytime she sings. Mama is bringing it! The other folks should just hang it up. They are nowhere close to being in her league. If she gets voted off, I'm finished with this show.

That leaves Aaron, who I enjoy referring to as "The Muppet". Seriously, he looks like a muppet. I'm sure he's a lovely person, but, well you know, looks like a muppet.

Oh and I would love for this to be the last season of this show. I'm ready for it to die.

Back to the Muppet. He's singing Ain't No Sunshine -- never heard that song on this show. Let's hear it for originality. What is up with the faux hawk? He has no connection to this song. It's so supposed to be souful and full of hurt and longing. It sounds like he's reading a menu (with a lovely voice -- I'll give him that).

I can't believe I devoted an entire posting to American Idol. That folks, is now my shame to live with.

(Go Crystal!!!!)

The Church of Timmy

So, I don't believe in organized religion. I understand it's importance and I would never tell someone that his or her beliefs are wrong, but I just don't dig on it personally. Religion is meant to provide a sense of comfort to folks, but it's been turned into a weapon of hate; so, I have no place for it. Which doesn't help to explain why I decided that I should start my own religion.

I know that doesn't make any sense, but the rules of the Church of Timmy (or Timmyism -- take your pick) are simple. So simple in fact, that there is only one. That's right, just one rule: be kind to others. I have also referred to this rule as: don't be a douche.

Let me give some examples to show how that one rule takes care of everything. If you steal from someone -- that's kind of a douchey thing to do. Kill someone -- yup, you're being a douche. Tell someone that his or her beliefs are wrong -- you gotta, you're being a douche.

It's really so simple. Just don't be a douche. If you are, recognize it and apologize (you still go to jail for murder, etc. cause that's the law of the land). Beyond that, just let folks live their lives. If you constantly try to interfere, well, refer to The Rule.

As far as an afterlife, in Timmyism, you get to choose your own. No one here to tell you what will be. Your energy simply gets replaced by whatever you want it to be. That's it.

That's how it works. Don't expect me to be a great leader (although I have final say in the religion, as long as I'm not being douchey) or send me money. Just do your own thing and don't do anything to hurt anyone else, because if you do......right, you're being a douche.
(Feel free to build a shrine to me in your home and worship it daily -- you just won't get anything for doing so).

Let's Talk About OCD

Okay, so here's the deal. I think I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) {wow, I totally spelled that out and then used the acronym, like I was writing a document at work}. Now, I've never actually been diagnosed. Hell, I've never actually gone for therapy of any kind. (I always said that I would when I turned 30, but I decided to save on the co-pay dollars and just suck it up and deal with it on my own. Trust me though, I would be some psychiatrist's wet dream). Anyway, I am totally convinced that I have a mild form of OCD.

Here's why: besides being super anal about where things are located, I like to double (triple plus) check that the stove is turned off, that my alarm is set, that the heater is at a certain temperature, etc. I also, tend to say it outloud as I'm checking (except the heat). I also have a tendency to count the number of stairs that I am walking up or down, en francais no less.

Now, most folks would probably say that I need to be medicated. I see it as a quirky charm; just don't put the milk on the wrong side of the refrigerator.