I broke down and
rejoined the “cult”. (I’m using the
parenthesis to indicate alleged, so no one decides to sue me, or some other
such nonsense). By “cult”, I’m referring
to Weight Watchers, not Scientology. You
know, alleged cult. (Covering bases,
folks).
Anyway, I
entered the program (not rehab) several years ago and lost 30 lbs. Then I left, because there are some culty
acting motherfuckers going to the meetings.
Seriously. You don’t need the
many items with the company logo to be successful. It also helps if you don’t head straight to
the nearest fast food establishment after the meetings. (Put down that fry!)
After I quit
attending meetings and stopped adhering to the program, I gained some
weight. By that, I mean a lot of
weight. Seriously, fat boy running.
I’ve tried
several diet and “lifestyle” changes since then and I’m still pudgy. (TUBBY TUBBY 2 X 4!). So, I decided to give it another go; however,
no meetings this time. (Seriously, last
time around, I got stink eye from the attendees after I lost a little
weight. I thought they were gonna mob me
in the parking lot and beat me with potato chips…I mean, healthy snack
options). I’m having moderate success,
though it is early in the program, so hopefully it will all work out.
If not, I’ll
suck it up and visit them in person.
Then I’ll head to the nearest Scientology center so I can have my
Thetans measured. Then I’ll swing by the
“cult” of Wal-Mart for superstore things.
Alleged
cults. Lovely places, filled with lovely
people.
